Gone But Not Forgotten...

Sometimes it doesn't feel like Nikki is gone.  

And by gone, I mean passed away.  Not gone to the store, or gone for a walk, etc.  She's REALLY gone.  I think because I have lived away from Fredericton, and my family, for so long, I got used to not being near them, not having them around, and for them not having me being really much of a part of their lives.  That is the reality.  So, even though I spent a lot of time with her during her illness, and was constantly with her for the last few weeks of her life, sometimes it still just doesn't seem real.

I mean...I KNOW she died (I still hate that word!!!) and I know that she's not coming back.  But like tonight, for instance, I am on Facebook playing Bingo and chatting to a friend and scrolling pages and I see the Nicole Lee Price - R.I.P page we made and I opened it up and looked at the photos of her on there and it hit me like a ton of bricks....and I said to myself (as a chill went through  my body) "she is gone, Michelle!!"

Is this normal after losing a loved one?  

  

All I know is that it sucks.  I mean, I am happy that she is pain free, not suffering, in Heaven...but I miss my baby sista.  :(

*tear*

Edit:  I posted this picture on Facebook back in '08 and this is the thread that followed.  Soooo Nikki....lol

• Nicole P lol we r so damn beautiful....lmao

  July 13, 2008 at 6:55pm · Like
• 

  Michelle Warren Huizinga Damn straight!! hehe

  July 13, 2008 at 7:12pm · Like
• 

  Nicole P lol and my hair looked amazing

  July 13, 2008 at 7:29pm · Like
• 

  Michelle Warren Huizinga Well, not as good as mine (lmao!) but yes it did!!! lol

  July 13, 2008 at 7:44pm · Like
• 

  Kelly Price-Doucet oh my good god

  July 13, 2008 at 9:28pm · Like
• 

  Michelle Warren Huizinga I'm starting to think me and Nikki are alike in more ways than just our beautiful looks!! hehehe LOL

  July 13, 2008 at 10:09pm · Like
• 

  Kelly Price-Doucet you can say THAT again...sheesh...lol.

  July 14, 2008 at 6:34am · Like
• 

  Michelle Warren Huizinga LMAO

  July 14, 2008 at 11:18am · Like
• 

  Nicole P lmaooooooooo got love it!!

  July 14, 2008 at 3:14pm · Like
• 

  Nicole P that is a hot pic of us...lol...

  January 19, 2009 at 7:26pm · Like

Talk the Talk...

"Sometimes family members don't talk about their grief to each other because the relationships are so close, and there is so much raw pain.  Sometimes siblings don't talk about their deceased brother or sister because they are afraid of causing pain and upset to each other or to their parents."

I read that while surfing around blogs about cancer and losing siblings and family members to cancer.  I thought it was interesting because that's one thing we do, we ALL talk about Nikki. :) 

I was in Fredericton for a little over a week and there were many conversations about Nikki.  We had some serious ones but mostly we just talked about her to remember her because it feels good! Sure, we are sad that she isn't here with us anymore.  But she is with us.....yanno?  She will forever be with each one of us...in our heart.  

I hope that we will always talk about her, remember her, laugh about some silly things she said or did, and even cry for her.  Nikki, whether she knew it or not, brought us all closer.  Would I prefer it it she were here with us, enjoying all this bonding??  Absolutely!!!  But, sadly, that's not possible.  So, I will take comfort in knowing that she is in a good place, watching over us and smiling.  

AND.....we all know.....she is probably snapping her fingers with her diva attitude saying something like, "Oh yeah, I'm good! Uh huh!!"   :)