I can't explain how I feel like I have changed over this past year or so, but I have. Kind of a dumb way to start a post eh? Very random...lol But this is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. I'm not sure if I have written about this in other posts or not....I haven't gone back and re-read them...but I may have touched on it.
I'm not even sure how to write about this subject. I mean, I have changed. I KNOW it. I can FEEL it. I'm not saying that I have become this completely different person or anything like that. (Though, in a way I think I have.) I guess what I mean is that my priorities have changed. Things that used to be important to me before are somehow not, or not AS important. The term "don't sweat the small stuff" has taken on a whole new meaning and significance to me. I don't get upset (as much) by the little things that used to make me crazy! It's just not worth it.
The little quirks in people that used to really bother me, don't bother me as much. If that person is important to me I accept the quirks as part of them and move on and somehow the quirks have become less noticeable If they aren't important to me, I have realized I can remove people from my life and it's not the end of the world. I don't NEED 10,000 people around me to feel important and loved. I need those people who genuinely love me and genuinely care for me and genuinely accept me and genuinely like ME for who I am! I have discovered that many people just say or do what they think is "right". Nah, that jut doesn't cut it for me. Be real or be gone. Sorry if that seems harsh, but that's reality for me.
I have been through some pretty crappy stuff in my lifetime, but I think the whole process from my sister getting sick to, sadly, her death, has to be one of the worst things I have been through. BUT....I will say this...as horrible as it was, somehow I came out of it all a changed Michelle.
Life is somehow different.
My baby sister changed me. I don't think she knew that she did, I never told her, but then I guess I never really realized it until after she passed away. I talk to her though, and I have told her that because of her, my perspective on life is different. So, I know she knows. I DID, however, tell her how proud of her I was and how strong I thought she was. Of course, I made her (and myself) cry when I said those things, but at the same time, it lead to some awesome bonding moments that I will have in my heart for the rest of my life!
I am sure some of you reading this (this is assuming people actually read this blog!) are thinking I'm kinda nutso. Well, all I will say to that is this. You go through the process my family went through....from a diagnosis, to surgery, to hope of remission, to watching your loved one breathe her last breaths and you tell me that all of that hasn't changed you and made you look at pretty much everything in your life from a completely different perspective!
When someone or something offends us, should we say something? When someone or something hurts us, should we say something?
I have been asking myself those questions for some time now because, I don't know, maybe I am overly sensitive and I read into things that aren't there....or because I think...WOW! Did I really just see/read/hear that?? Quite often there is no intentional offense or hurt meant but it may just come across that way. And even if it is NOT intentional, that does not mean that we can't be offended or hurt. Right? We all have different perceptions of what we see, hear and read.
Anyway, my point being, if and when those circumstances arise, is it appropriate to say something and let the person know that you took offense, or that you were hurt? Or is it better to just not say anything....let it go (ha!) and hold it in and risk letting it simmer and eat at you until it becomes resentment? I prefer to say something, but that always seems to get me into trouble. The times I don't, it eats at me and makes me bitter, I'm not gonna lie.
I struggle with forgiveness. I admit that. I am working on it, but I find it extremely difficult to forgive. I know, I know....I am supposed to forgive because God forgives me daily! I know that!! But I am human....and I will admit that forgiveness is just one of my many shortcomings. Like I said...I am working on it!! So, if I am offended by something and the person offending has no idea that I am offended or hurt.....do I forgive them? Since they don't even know?
Did any of that make any sense at all? lol I think I am confusing myself. :) (It's late and I have had kind of a rough evening. :( )
I will say this. If, in ANY way, shape or form I have EVER said, done or written ANYTHING that has offended or hurt ANYONE, I hope and want you to tell me!! I can't fix what I don't know about.
So maybe I just answered my own question about whether or not to say something? Maybe. But not everyone is open to that.
My baby sister changed me. I don't think she knew that she did, I never told her, but then I guess I never really realized it until after she passed away. I talk to her though, and I have told her that because of her, my perspective on life is different. So, I know she knows. I DID, however, tell her how proud of her I was and how strong I thought she was. Of course, I made her (and myself) cry when I said those things, but at the same time, it lead to some awesome bonding moments that I will have in my heart for the rest of my life!