So, today was Thanksgiving in the USA. I am a Canadian living in the States, and have been since 1989, so even after all this time, I can't wrap my head around the whole holiday. Other than it's a long, long weekend. I don't mean that offensively to anyone, I am simply sharing my feelings. Yes, I love my family and I am appreciative for everything I have but I don't need one day of the year to be thankful for the people in my life, or for what I have, etc, etc.
Now, why would I say something like that that could come off as a little bit pissy to some people? (And AGAIN, I don't mean this to be hurtful or snotty to anyone at all!) Well, when we sat down to dinner today and after Peter said grace, we went around and said what we were thankful for. When it was my turn, I got emotional and it was kind of at that moment that I realized that I am EXTREMELY thankful for the people in my life. People can leave us way too soon. Just in this year alone, we have faced the loss of 2 loved ones. My mother in law passed away a year ago...2 days before Thanksgiving last year. And of course Nikki passed away in June. That is not to say that I am not thankful for loved ones every day, I am......but this year I have really come to realize just HOW important they are to me and especially how much I miss them.
Now here I sit, again, tearing up as I write this. Sheesh! This has been the story of my life lately. I cry at the drop of a hat. The least little things make me sob. It's a good thing everyone else is in the other room watching football or they might think I am nuts. Well, the wouldn't be completely wrong, but still. ;)
I guess my point to all of this is cherish EVERY moment together. Not just on Thanksgiving. Some of you have family so close to you and get to spend a lot of time together. Birthdays, holidays, events or just have coffee together. NEVER take family for granted. I could only WISH to be nearer to my Mom and sisters (and everyone else, too!). It's a major trip to be with my family. But I do it when I can and I am thankful for every moment we get to spend together. Please do the same with your families!
God bless.
Happy Thanksgiving....American style. ;)
I have been having a lot of dreams lately about Nikki. I'm not sure why, I guess she has been on my mind a lot.
I'm not one to analyze dreams or try to figure out if they mean something. I'm not really into all that but sometimes I have to sit back and think.....WHY on earth would I have THAT dream!?
The last dream I had about Nikki was kinda way out there. Nikki was never able to conceive a child. Then when she was diagnosed with uterine cancer and had a hysterectomy, her chances of ever getting pregnant were completely over. Of course, things took a turn for the worse anyway, sooo. :( We never got to have a little baby NikNik.
Anyway, so what does that have to do with my dream? Well, the other night, I dreamed that Nikki was pregnant. She was in all her glory, very pregnant and ready to pop. She was sitting in a wheelchair being wheeled in to somewhere and I bent down to hug her and told her that I am so proud of her and excited for her and that I wasn't going anywhere. Then we both started crying. Then I woke up.
I woke up crying. And that's about all I remember of that dream. I know there was more, I remember there being more, it felt like I was dreaming for hours.....but I can't remember any more details.
So, this one time I asked...WHY?? What did that dream mean? Nothing? Something? I don't know. It was just.....weird. Yanno? Sometimes I think my head just swirls with a million different thoughts and the result is a whacked out dream. :)
I can't explain how I feel like I have changed over this past year or so, but I have. Kind of a dumb way to start a post eh? Very random...lol But this is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. I'm not sure if I have written about this in other posts or not....I haven't gone back and re-read them...but I may have touched on it.
I'm not even sure how to write about this subject. I mean, I have changed. I KNOW it. I can FEEL it. I'm not saying that I have become this completely different person or anything like that. (Though, in a way I think I have.) I guess what I mean is that my priorities have changed. Things that used to be important to me before are somehow not, or not AS important. The term "don't sweat the small stuff" has taken on a whole new meaning and significance to me. I don't get upset (as much) by the little things that used to make me crazy! It's just not worth it.
The little quirks in people that used to really bother me, don't bother me as much. If that person is important to me I accept the quirks as part of them and move on and somehow the quirks have become less noticeable If they aren't important to me, I have realized I can remove people from my life and it's not the end of the world. I don't NEED 10,000 people around me to feel important and loved. I need those people who genuinely love me and genuinely care for me and genuinely accept me and genuinely like ME for who I am! I have discovered that many people just say or do what they think is "right". Nah, that jut doesn't cut it for me. Be real or be gone. Sorry if that seems harsh, but that's reality for me.
I have been through some pretty crappy stuff in my lifetime, but I think the whole process from my sister getting sick to, sadly, her death, has to be one of the worst things I have been through. BUT....I will say this...as horrible as it was, somehow I came out of it all a changed Michelle.
Life is somehow different.
My baby sister changed me. I don't think she knew that she did, I never told her, but then I guess I never really realized it until after she passed away. I talk to her though, and I have told her that because of her, my perspective on life is different. So, I know she knows. I DID, however, tell her how proud of her I was and how strong I thought she was. Of course, I made her (and myself) cry when I said those things, but at the same time, it lead to some awesome bonding moments that I will have in my heart for the rest of my life!
I am sure some of you reading this (this is assuming people actually read this blog!) are thinking I'm kinda nutso. Well, all I will say to that is this. You go through the process my family went through....from a diagnosis, to surgery, to hope of remission, to watching your loved one breathe her last breaths and you tell me that all of that hasn't changed you and made you look at pretty much everything in your life from a completely different perspective!
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