Pad Thai ...

So, I went out to a Thai food restaurant this evening for dinner with Peter and our boys.  I ordered Pad Thai Shrimp....and, I have to say, it was delicious!!   

I couldn't help but think about Nikki a little bit.  Ok, WHY did that remind me of my sister?  lol  I'm weird, I know!!  :)  Well, there was this little Pad Thai place in the Northside Market in Fredericton that her and Kelly used to go to on Saturdays.  And even though I had never gone there with them, I heard about this amazing Pad Thai every time they had it.  :)  In fact, the little Thai lady that worked there knew them and even sent a card to Nikki when she was in the hospital, signed, "The Pad Thai Lady".  

There was also the time that Nikki and I were driving around

Fredericton looking sushi and we ended up at, what we thought was, a sushi restaurant.  We go in and look at the menu.  Not seeing what we were looking for, we asked if they had any sushi or sushi rolls or anything.  We got a weird look and the waiter said, "this is a Thai place....not Japanese!!"  Oops.....awkward!! After a good laugh and a moment of embarrassment, we ordered some Pad Thai Shrimp! Apparently, though, it wasn't as good as the Pad Thai from the Northside Market!  lol

It's funny what things trigger memories.  <3

The 4 Sistas...

I love this picture!  <3

It's kind of a dorky, "selfie" kinda picture, taken with my phone....but I love it.  Why?  Well, there is NOT a lot of pictures floating around of all four of us sistas.  :)  And, if I am not mistaken, this might be the last one taken of all of us.  

We were taking Nikki back to the hospital after one of her day passes.  I got a little goofy with my iPhone and voila....this is what resulted.

It's not professional.  We were not all primped and made up.  The lighting kinda sucked.  But we were all together and, in my book, that's all that matters.  :)

I love this picture!  <3

Did I Ever Tell You You're My Hero...?

So, today I had a doctor's appointment.  Nothing serious....just a med review and a check on my lungs (which have not been the same since I had pneumonia).  All was well.  Meds are all where they are supposed to be.  Other than the aches and pains of being out of shape and approaching 50, I'm relatively healthy.  

Then the doctor said she wanted to draw some blood.  Yuck.  Not my favorite thing to do.  I don't pass out or anything when they take my blood....but I can't watch them poke me.  

The nurse came in ready to siphon me dry (not really....only a couple of viles, but hey...I'm being dramatic!  heh) and I got a knot in my stomach.  Blah.  She couldn't find a good vein in either arm.  What?  I know I HAVE veins....lol  Anyway, she picked one that "would do" but she had to use a smaller needle.  

I sat there and started whining.  Seriously.  I've never done that before.  Or maybe I had but never really realized that I was whining.  

At that moment....as I WATCHED her stick my little vein with the little needle, I thought of Nikki.  I thought of ALL the needles, pokes, cuts, prods and crap that she went through for a year and a half.  This little tiny needle to draw a couple of viles of blood from me was NOTHING in comparison to what she went through, but here I was whining.  

I didn't for long.  I actually stopped....looked at the nurse and said, "considering what my sister has gone through, this is cake!  I am NOT going to complain!"  And that was that.  My blood was drawn, I got my bandage and I left.

When Nikki was diagnosed with cancer in January of 2012, I honestly thought she would roll over and let it take her.  I couldn't have been more wrong!  That girl fought every single day!!!  She went through more tests and pokes and what not in the last year and a half of her life than I will probably ever go through!  If she can do all of that and STILL have a smile on her face.....then who am I to complain about the little things in life.  (I also believe she was in the doctor's office with me today ready to smack me upside the head for being a big ole belly acher!  lol)


I have said from day one that she is my hero.  :)  

"If I Had a Million Dollars"...

The last time my kids saw Nikki was July of 2011, at Kelly and Jacques' wedding.  Michigan is a long way from New Brunswick so visits, for the kids, became more infrequent than mine.  Plus, they had school, jobs, etc.  January of 2012 is when Nikki was diagnosed with cancer, had surgery, started chemo treatments and all that fun stuff that goes with cancer.  *insert sarcasm here*  Early in 2013, things went from bad to worse and we were told that Nikki's cancer was terminal and that she would, most likely, not be here by the end of this summer.

Sam wanted to remember Nikki the way was she was the last time she saw her at the wedding....healthy and happy.  And that's perfectly okay!!  Pete and Randy, however, decided they would like to come to see their aunt one last time.  So, Pete flew out with me in April and Randy flew out in May, about 3 weeks before she passed away.

I want to tell a little story about the day Randy said goodbye to his aunt.  You will see soon enough why I picked today to tell it.  

We were at the hospital visiting Nikki before it was time for me to take Randy to the airport to fly back home.  Mom had gone to get some ice chips or water or something for Nikki.  I had to go pee....(not a crucial part of the story but it provides reality and comic relief...lol) so I went to the private bathroom in her hospital room.  It did not even occur to me that Nikki and Randy would pick that time to say their goodbyes.  And, actually, I don't think they planned to, but they were left alone and I guess reality set in.   I came out of the bathroom to find both of them hugging and crying. It dawned on me that this was it.  This was the last time my son would see his aunt!  So, I joined in on the crying.  And Mom came back and she joined in, also.  It was very emotional...very sad. :(

But my son, wanting her to not cry and be sad for too long said to her something like, "oh...oh...wait!  I have just the thing!"  and then he played a song for her.  If I Had a Million Dollars by The Barenaked Ladies.  Yeah, not exactly a soothing tune....but that's Randy!!  lol  And he succeeded in what he wanted to do.  She smiled.  We all did.  And we cried.  And we sang.  And we bed danced.  And then we cried some more.  It was a very touching moment to be honest.  They left each other very sad and tearful. But when Randy left Nikki that day, though he left crying......he also left with a memory he will have forever.  For now, whenever he hears that song, he will think of his Aunt Nikki.  :)

So, why did I choose to write this story today?  Well, tonight, Randy is going to see The Barenaked Ladies in concert.  I have no doubt in my mind that Nikki will be with him somehow....especially when they sing If I Had a Million Dollars.  <3

A Yell of a Time...

I remember the last visit I made to Fredericton, the one just before Nikki went into the hospital for the last few weeks of her life.  More specifically, I remember the day before I left to go back to Michigan.  Why?  Because I yelled at her.  Well, we kind of yelled at each other.  But I started it.  

It was stupid and insignificant now that I look back on it.  I remember why I yelled.  It was to kick her butt!  My sick sister, having gone through all she had, having radiation treatments at that time....and I found it necessary to give her shit.  What was I thinking?  Pfft.  

So, we yelled.  And then we cried.  And we cried some more.  I will never forget it for many reasons.  One reason being that it took place in our sister Kelly's house, which is always jumping and hopping with some kind of noise, but you could have heard a pin drop (aside from me and Nikki yelling at each other!  lol)  I will never forget it because I made my sister cry.  :(  I don't regret it, though.  Yes, I look back now and I feel horrible because she's not here anymore.  But it was all in love if that makes sense.  It gave her a little kick in the pants that she needed at that time and, after that, she did get some things done that she had been putting off!!

Anyway, we hugged it out....cried some more....apologized and all that and said yet another tearful goodbye as I was leaving the following morning.  A short time later I get the call from my sister that Nikki was admitted to the hospital and her time was short.  Ow!  Shot to the heart!  I mean, I wasn't surprised.....but I was.  Yanno?

I prepared for my trip, which I knew would be extended, and headed, once again, back to Fredericton.  I still felt terrible about the yelling session Nikki and I had last time I was there and I was convinced she hated me or at the very least was extremely pissed at me!  I was scared she wouldn't want to see me.  

The day I flew out was the day that the doctor told her that there was nothing else that the could do.  When I turned my phone on after arriving in Fredericton, I had a message from Nikki.  It simply said...."I need you".  I cried.  Again.  I could not get to the hospital fast enough from the airport.

When I got to her room she cried.  We cried and we hugged and I said, "I promise I am not gonna yell at you!"  Then we laughed as we cried and hugged.  

That was the beginning of a wonderful 5 weeks.  Wonderful, you say?  Yes.  Wonderful.  More memories were made during that time that I think I could have ever asked for in my whole life.  But that's another blog post for another time.  ;)

I needed you, too, Nikki.  <3  I miss you!