A Yell of a Time...

I remember the last visit I made to Fredericton, the one just before Nikki went into the hospital for the last few weeks of her life.  More specifically, I remember the day before I left to go back to Michigan.  Why?  Because I yelled at her.  Well, we kind of yelled at each other.  But I started it.  

It was stupid and insignificant now that I look back on it.  I remember why I yelled.  It was to kick her butt!  My sick sister, having gone through all she had, having radiation treatments at that time....and I found it necessary to give her shit.  What was I thinking?  Pfft.  

So, we yelled.  And then we cried.  And we cried some more.  I will never forget it for many reasons.  One reason being that it took place in our sister Kelly's house, which is always jumping and hopping with some kind of noise, but you could have heard a pin drop (aside from me and Nikki yelling at each other!  lol)  I will never forget it because I made my sister cry.  :(  I don't regret it, though.  Yes, I look back now and I feel horrible because she's not here anymore.  But it was all in love if that makes sense.  It gave her a little kick in the pants that she needed at that time and, after that, she did get some things done that she had been putting off!!

Anyway, we hugged it out....cried some more....apologized and all that and said yet another tearful goodbye as I was leaving the following morning.  A short time later I get the call from my sister that Nikki was admitted to the hospital and her time was short.  Ow!  Shot to the heart!  I mean, I wasn't surprised.....but I was.  Yanno?

I prepared for my trip, which I knew would be extended, and headed, once again, back to Fredericton.  I still felt terrible about the yelling session Nikki and I had last time I was there and I was convinced she hated me or at the very least was extremely pissed at me!  I was scared she wouldn't want to see me.  

The day I flew out was the day that the doctor told her that there was nothing else that the could do.  When I turned my phone on after arriving in Fredericton, I had a message from Nikki.  It simply said...."I need you".  I cried.  Again.  I could not get to the hospital fast enough from the airport.

When I got to her room she cried.  We cried and we hugged and I said, "I promise I am not gonna yell at you!"  Then we laughed as we cried and hugged.  

That was the beginning of a wonderful 5 weeks.  Wonderful, you say?  Yes.  Wonderful.  More memories were made during that time that I think I could have ever asked for in my whole life.  But that's another blog post for another time.  ;)

I needed you, too, Nikki.  <3  I miss you!