In fact, it was this day one year ago, that her doctor came into her hospital room and told her that there was nothing more they could do and that she only had 3-6 weeks left to live. It was this day, one year ago that I flew out there to spend her last remaining weeks with her and my family.
I will never, ever regret the decision to do that. I spent almost 6 weeks away from my husband and kids (adult kids but still!) and I don't regret it for one second. So many wonderful memories were made in that time. It's kind of amazing when I think about it. I mean, at such a sad time we had some of the best times of our lives. Maybe because we made memories, strengthened relationships....gained a closeness that we never really had before? I'm not sure. We all knew what was coming, we just didn't know when. I don't know how she did it to be honest. She was so strong and she put on such a brave face (90% of the time) and she was rarely without a smile. She smiled even tough she knew she was dying. :(
My Mom and my sisters have always talked about loved ones coming to "visit" them after they had passed away. I was never into that and it always, to be honest, kinda freaked me out.....no...just plain scared the bejeebers out of me! A few months ago, my sister, Kelly, told me on different occasions how her 2 year old grandson, Kaden, (my little great nephew : ) would tell her he was talking to Nikki or that he saw Nikki and he would point to where he saw her or he would repeat what she said to him. It's always been said that kids are the most honest people out there....lol I know it sounds freaky but it made me, the scaredy skeptic, wonder. Then just the other day I had a conversation with my sister on Facebook. I am sharing it here and I hope she doesn't mind. It just touched my heart so much.
That made me cry. And it was at that point that I thought....."awww man, I wanna see her, too!" lol Can you believe that? I do have to share that just before Nikki died, and I was alone with her I leaned down and whispered to her (and I know this probably sounds ridiculous to everyone! lol) ....."Bickett, don't you come and scare me after you're gone! Don't you do that!!" As I read that now I realize how goofy it sounds....lol But, she did know that I would get freaked out when I heard that kind of talk. She has never come to visit me, and that's ok (because I do think I would probably pee my pants or something! lol) but I do know that she has made her presence known to me in other ways. Subtle, softer ways that don't scare me but rather, offer me peace.
It's been one year. Not since her death....but one year since she was told she was going to die. I was on an airplane en route to Fredericton that morning. This is the Facebook message I had from her when I turned on my phone upon landing.
I .need you
Sent from Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada
My heart has forever been changed because of her. My outlook on certain things has changed. Life is short.
Live, laugh, love.
I miss you so much, Bickett!! I love you baby sista! <3
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