Think...

I have been trying to figure out how to write this post for days.  No, I take that back.....not days.  Much longer.....weeks. Months even.  The thing is, it shouldn't be that difficult of a post to write, but maybe it's what's on my mind that is the problem.  Or how to word it without hurting or offending someone.  Which I am pretty sure I will do regardless.  But that's par for he course with me.  I would much rather keep things inside sometimes and be hurt and disappointed myself than to risk hurting or offending other people.  *sigh*  

Why oh why do I have to have a conscience?  :)

And if you wanna think I am being immature or whatever, fine.  Think that.  If you want to think that I am being trivial.  Fine again.  This might not seem like a big deal to others, but it kinda is to me.

(I can hear my husband saying, "get on with it, Michelle!") lol

I like to share my feelings.  I'm not sure why, but it's healing or therapeutic for me to share.  Some people like to be private with how they are feeling and that's ok.  Of course there are topics that I keep to myself or share only with my husband, but for the most part, I'm kind of an open book (I think) when it comes to opening up and sharing what's on my mind.  Is there anything wrong with that?  I don't think so.  Obviously.  I am also a good listener when others want to talk to me and share their feelings.  But that's not the point of this.  

Years ago, I had another blog and I wrote EVERYTHING in there.  That was a different time in my life.  It served it's purpose and I don't regret it at all.  That blog was only open to strangers in the online world.  (Some of who have become friends in real life.)  I no longer have that blog.  But that blog helped me.  Weird?  Perhaps.

Then, a couple years ago, I started this one .  This blog is open to everyone.  My husband, family, friends.....everyone.  It started as a place to vent about the political crap I read online, rather than ranting about it on Facebook.  It never really amounted to anything in that way because I found a different purpose....writing my feelings about my sister after she passed away from cancer.  Again, I write here instead of posting long-ass statuses on Facebook and frustrating or annoying the people I might not be as close to as others with all my whining and boo hooing.  I share the link to this blog on Facebook and give you the choice to read it or not.  Trust me, I love and appreciate all of you who have taken the time and effort to read some of my innermost feelings!  It feels so good to know that you care enough to take 5 or so minutes to spend with me, even if it's just in word form.  I was explaining my feelings to someone once and I asked if they had read my blog, figuring it would just be easier to say "it's all in there".  Their response was that they didn't (ok, that's fine) that continued to say they get too much other junk mail and stuff to read.  Allrightythen.  Is this junk? 

I have high expectations of people.  I readily and whole heartily admit that.  I am learning to deal with that.  I am learning to lessen my expectations of people.  But, I guess when it comes right down to it, should I have to do that for people who are close to me?  Well, I guess I do.  

The past 2 (ish) years have been rough.  I became less involved in things because my focus was on my sister and family and visits to NB.  I don't know how it happened, and maybe it's all in my head, but relationships I had at one point started to change.....or dissolve.  Again, this is where my high expectations of friendships come in.  It was like once I wasn't around much anymore, I wasn't needed.  I had served my purpose.  That hurt.  Badly.  And, truth be told, it still hurts.  But oh well....what can ya do?  Move on.  Onward and upwards, right?  Yeah, well even though I have tough skin, I AM, after all, human.  

Well, that went a little off what I initially wanted to vent about here...lol 

So, this is what I wanted to say.  I put my feelings out here in this blog and I hope and wish every single time that my friends and family take the time to read them.   (And I know some of you do and I thank you sooo much!!)  This is ME, people.  If you don't like to write or don't feel it's "right" to share your feelings for the world to see.....fine, don't do it.  That's YOU.  But, I will tell you this.  IF you did....I would take the time to read what you wrote because I love you.  Because, obviously, if it was important enough to you to put out there, it's important enough for me to take the time to read it!  :)

I'm not begging you to read my stuff.  I'm not.  That's up to you. 

But I am asking you to think.  

Just think.

:)