Relationships...

Most of the posts I have written in this ole blog of mine are about my sister in some way, shape or form.  I didn't intend for this blog to become that but it has.  And that's ok!  It's been a place for me to write about my feelings and emotions regarding Nikki's illness and death.  I've also written about my relationship with family members, etc.  ALL of that has been good for me.  I have said many times that writing in here, and even sharing it for others to read, has been therapeutic for me.  

But for some reason lately, I have been thinking about the relationships I have here....in Michigan.  Or, perhaps, lack of them is a better term.  (Let me first state that I do not mean my relationship with my husband or my kids!!  They are great!!)

There was a time not so long ago that I felt like I was in a wonderful place in my life.  That's not to say that I am not happy with my life, I AM.....but well, I don't know how to say this without coming across as mean, or condescending or whatever, and that's not what I want to convey.  But it seems that a lot of people have either backed out of my life....or dropped out almost completely.  Maybe that was my own doing?  Maybe I pushed them away?  However it happened, it hurts.  Some friends I expected/hoped would be there for me.....weren't.  (But, that's what I get for having expectations!) I had a couple of friends that I felt would be too busy for me who completely surprised me.  And I have the friends who just hugged me and loved me.  :)  Yanno what?  Other than my husband and kids, I don't have family here.  I consider my friends my family.  And sometimes it gets pretty darn lonely.

I'm not a perfect friend by any stretch of the imagination.  I have my faults.  I have made my share of mistakes.  And I will make many more in my lifetime!  I say what's on my mind (most of the time).  I trust too much....or maybe I don't trust enough.  But sometimes I just don't feel like I stack up.  Like I am not good enough.  Not skinny enough.  Not smart enough.  Not Republican enough.  Not Christian enough.  (Don't laugh....don't pffffft.....don't say "oh, Michelle")  But I can say one thing I am and that is me.  I LIKE me.  And I love my family and friends whole heartedly.

I know that God places people in our life for a reason.  We never know what that reason is.  But I truly believe that every single person that I have come across in my lifetime has taught me something.  Although, sometimes the lessons are learned the hard way.  

This blog might be trivial to some.  It might be a waste of time for some.  It might seem downright stupid to some.  The "some" I am referring to are my friends.  It's NOT stupid to me, nor is it trivial or a waste of my time.   It's ME...speaking from my heart.  Healing a broken heart from a loss of a loved one.  Anyone who has lost someone they love should know what that feels like!!!  We all handle grief in different ways.  I choose to write about it.  I choose to share those writings....my feelings....with you....my friends and family!!  In other words, it's kind of a big deal to me that you give a darn.  

I mean no ill feelings toward anyone and this post was not directed at any one specific.  Take what you want from this.  I will end with this......tell the people in your life how you feel about them.  Hug them.  Let them know you are thinking about them (even if it's in a silly way like "liking" a Facebook status).  Take time for them....MAKE time for them.  Let them know you care.  Love them.